Wednesday, March 12, 2008

internal affairs

it was a quiet night and nothing of consequence had occurred, so we had no reason to think anything would. and as it grew later, the noise of the street grew fainter and fainter until it was limited to an occasional passing car or pedestrians carrying on a conversation. it was the kind of quiet you can only appreciate after you have lived the lives of all those on the street below simply through the sounds that they make, as they penetrate walls and reverberate through you. in retrospect, it was also the kind of quiet that should have been understood as a sign, in a movie this would be brought to light when a side character who is about to die says something to the effect of "its a little too quiet." but no symbolist could have deciphered the meaning in the silence, no one could have really predicted what happened next.
that divine silence was soon broken by the shouts and calls of four black men on the street below. and as i looked out the window, one of them locked eyes with me and started shouting in my direction. the words were unclear, but the intent was so powerful that i recoiled in terror. i dropped to the ground and told my friends to do the same, but someone was either shocked or stupid because they weren't moving. i feared for his life, and risked another look out the window and found that one of the men outside had managed to get to the level of my apartment and was now standing at the window, aiming a shotgun at my friend.
i don't know what happened next...i heard a gunshot, followed by trampling and thumping as the four men worked their way into the apartment through the shattered glass. i continued to lay on the ground, thinking that my only chance of survival was rooted in appeasement. but it soon became clear that there was never any chance of survival. i watched as he stood over me and passed the shotgun down my body from the top of my head down to my torso, where the barrels i had just gazed into came to rest and pushed into my stomach. as the barrels thrust deeper into the pit of my anxiety, all fear dropped away and i accepted an untimely end to my life.
i heard another gun go off, but somehow i was alive and my attacker was gone. it seems as though the police arrived just in time and soon dissipated. as i began to clean up the mess, the events of the evening returned on me with an intensity that once again brought me to the floor. so i sat on the ground amidst the broken glass and tried to collect myself. eventually i found the strength to get up once again, and when i looked up i saw a woman. i saw the most beautiful woman i've ever known...and i did know her, and i loved her, but we hadn't seen each other in some time. few words were exchanged, we simply kissed, and when we did, nothing else mattered.
when i woke up, i could still feel where the barrels of the shotgun dug into me. i could feel them yesterday before i even had this dream, and i can still feel them now.