here i am?
i don't even know what. this semester has been pretty good to me i guess, but i only appreciate it in the wake of what crap next semester holds for me. i didn't get into the two seminars i actually wanted to take, so i'm stuck signing up for classes i don't really care about. it reminds me too much of colgate, and all the compromising i had to do there when it came to class selection. i just wish everything wasn't filled with such bullshit. everything...always.
pleasure and pain, always a subtle interplay between the two. where does real pleasure spring from except from the crushing, immobilizing oppression of pain; from an appreciation of its absence. why do i want to say that pain can stand on its own, but pleasure is dependent on its counterpart? theoretically neither can stand alone, but the relation between the two is such that pain causes a desire for pleasure, where as one's experience of pleasure only creates the desire for its perpetuation...hedonism.
we painted our bathroom a couple nights ago, saturday night in fact, right before easter. "million dollar red" is the color, but it needs yet another coat, so right now it's more like "$500,000 orange/red," so the bathroom kinda looks like a bordello. don't get me wrong, its a rad color, and i love it, but the desired effect of creating a rebirth for out bathroom, and indirectly, for ourselves, fell short and left me wanting. hedonism.
i get depressed about classes, or papers, or presentations, or bathroom colors, and all i can think about is what would bring me pleasure, to draw me out of this stupid, frustrating depression, and nothing comes to mind that is within my grasp. stupid frustrating depression that as i'm experiencing it i can look at and say, "this is stupid, and there's plenty more to be depressed about if you really want to be, but you get hung up on this stupid shit." why is it that i feel like i want a swift kick in the ass, or to get into an all-out bar fight?
"what's so stupid about wanting to stand toe-to-toe with someone and say, 'i am?'" truer words of wisom have never been spoken...thank you, rocky balboa. how else can i say "i am?" that's the real question.
pleasure and pain, always a subtle interplay between the two. where does real pleasure spring from except from the crushing, immobilizing oppression of pain; from an appreciation of its absence. why do i want to say that pain can stand on its own, but pleasure is dependent on its counterpart? theoretically neither can stand alone, but the relation between the two is such that pain causes a desire for pleasure, where as one's experience of pleasure only creates the desire for its perpetuation...hedonism.
we painted our bathroom a couple nights ago, saturday night in fact, right before easter. "million dollar red" is the color, but it needs yet another coat, so right now it's more like "$500,000 orange/red," so the bathroom kinda looks like a bordello. don't get me wrong, its a rad color, and i love it, but the desired effect of creating a rebirth for out bathroom, and indirectly, for ourselves, fell short and left me wanting. hedonism.
i get depressed about classes, or papers, or presentations, or bathroom colors, and all i can think about is what would bring me pleasure, to draw me out of this stupid, frustrating depression, and nothing comes to mind that is within my grasp. stupid frustrating depression that as i'm experiencing it i can look at and say, "this is stupid, and there's plenty more to be depressed about if you really want to be, but you get hung up on this stupid shit." why is it that i feel like i want a swift kick in the ass, or to get into an all-out bar fight?
"what's so stupid about wanting to stand toe-to-toe with someone and say, 'i am?'" truer words of wisom have never been spoken...thank you, rocky balboa. how else can i say "i am?" that's the real question.
posted by R. Peeps at 2:34 PM
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