insecticides usually kill insects, right?
so, despite the fact that our landlord got an exterminator in the building, and despite the fact that said exterminator sprayed our apartment, specifically our drawers that we keep kitchen utensils in because we've seen roaches in there, the roaches don't seem to be affected. this morning in fact we found a roach tragically stuck to a piece of tape. i made every effort to extricate the roach from this predicament in a humane manner but when it managed to unstick itself and start running around i had no choice but to kill it by stabbing at it repeatedly with a pair of scissors.
either way though, that fucker was going to die. i was happy he was stuck to a piece of tape because i was going to separate the piece of tape, carry it to the toilet and flush the little guy, but fate had a different end in mind for our friend which i've named gregor in honor of kafke and the metamorphosis. i think i'll probably be referring to all of our six-legged neighbors as such from now on.
in many ways, gregor will be like kenny on south park. gregor will be a major character in many blogs to come, but each time his death will be more complicated and presumably more tragic. though i doubt my remorsefullness will increase as weeks and months go by, there will always be a small part of my heart that feels bad that i am unwilling to share my dwelling with another creature. even if that other creature is the type of thing that will walk through piles of shit and then walk all over my kitchen utensils, i'll still feel a little bit bad for my repeated offence of insecticide.
either way though, that fucker was going to die. i was happy he was stuck to a piece of tape because i was going to separate the piece of tape, carry it to the toilet and flush the little guy, but fate had a different end in mind for our friend which i've named gregor in honor of kafke and the metamorphosis. i think i'll probably be referring to all of our six-legged neighbors as such from now on.
in many ways, gregor will be like kenny on south park. gregor will be a major character in many blogs to come, but each time his death will be more complicated and presumably more tragic. though i doubt my remorsefullness will increase as weeks and months go by, there will always be a small part of my heart that feels bad that i am unwilling to share my dwelling with another creature. even if that other creature is the type of thing that will walk through piles of shit and then walk all over my kitchen utensils, i'll still feel a little bit bad for my repeated offence of insecticide.
posted by R. Peeps at 2:49 PM
12 Comments:
Alas poor Gregor! I knew him El Pepo: a fellow of infinite jest, of the most excellent fancy...
Oh wait, no I didn't. Kill the fucker.
http://www.ipm.ucdavis.edu/PMG/PESTNOTES/pn7467.html
Some people need to realize they like killing things. Get over your repression and let go. Find some homeless man and name him Gregor. It is all the same, life is chaos, life feeding on life and destroying other life. For every humane deed you do, I have to do ten inhumane deeds. Start pulling your own weight around here. The sooner you accept the vicious tendencies in your soul, the sooner you can start a gang of likeminded people. When you ascend to power you may not have a long reign but it will be infamous.
i can only assume that the anonymous comment is from my dear friend dave.
sick, card-carrying nra member, dave.
for every twisted sonofabitch like yourself there has to be 10 people like me trying to counteract your inhumanity...and yet i love you.
life is chaos.
ewww. my skin is crawling.
imagine all these sorts of nasties crawling into your nose at night or down your throat when you're sleeping! you probably already ate a roachie lol lol ewwwweapwoefuPWQ9E7TUFQ2839RUFAowFD!!! *SPIT! SPIT!*
i can hardly keep up with your constant blogging anymore!
p.s.
i envy the cold weather you have in abundance! lets trade! oh how i love it! :)
I have made my own blog just to show that I have the technology to do so. I was going to call you and tell you but I know you do not answer the phone!
Dear self-righteous man (androgenic),
If you want to know the proper words or gesture to elucidate co-workers as to what behavior is not acceptable, use the following: point to the inappropriate behavior and say "42 USC 2000e." If problem persists go to a supervisor and say "42 USC 2000e." If the problem remains unresolved, tell co-worker who is the victim of the behavior of 42 USC 2000e and have her contact an attorney, preferable a civil rights plaintiff's attorney.
If you want to come off as a supreme badass you can memorize some parts of 42 USC 2000e and recite them in response to the behavior. If you prefer the written word you can print out some of the paragraphs and post them in high traffic or offense areas.
If you are dealing with assholes who lack even the most basic common sense you can tell them to Google 42 USC 2000e and I think they will get the point immediately. If you are the car type of guy, take said crap on the car and leave a note referring to 42 USC 2000e.
Your blog is in dire need of editorial reform. Although my comments are being posted to an almost year old blog I have not been keeping up with your blogs and I am working my way back. Although I like the emotional tone of your blogs, they lack a consistent clarity. You vacillate between lucid, clear comments and self indulgent obscurity. In order to avoid the scorn associated with wordsmithing other writers I draw my authority from your appropriate of Hineni. You are required to be a zealous advocate of scholarly application of the written word, the tribe allows nothing less.
Appropriate should read appropriation, preferable should read preferably. I guess I should log in before posting so I can edit comments.
uhhh...anyone have any idea who this new anonymous commentator is. i don't know that i necessarily appreciate some random ass-clown commenting on something i wrote over a year ago and then telling me that my voice is inconsistent.
i looked up 42 usc 2000e and it bored me, so i stopped caring.
if these comments were from dave i'm going to walk down to nico-ville and whomp on your scrawny ass.
Dear Rob,
I hear you plan on taking a trip to Winston-Salem, N.C.. Even a whooping would be welcome if it means you were walking within Winston. Put your money where you mouth is and make a trip down here, if not you can just send Comrade S, I'm sure she and I will have a good time.
Sincerely,
Dave
dear dave,
you called my bluff. i'm too poor to get a ticket down there and too lazy to actually walk.
i took a look at your new blog and you're right, my blog is preachy, and i do use it to communicate with people i should call or write.
i would've left an ass-clown like comment on your new blog, but i have to be logged in to leave a comment, but i can't log in because i don't know how to sign up, and if i did know how to sign up i don't know that i'd want to set up an account when i already have a blog hosted somewhere else.
i'm gonna have to say that you're the strangest of all my friends in that you will write a scathing critique of my blog, and then list the kitchen utensils you crave on your own.
i love you,
rob
Dear Rob,
I actually created an account for you and I was just waiting for a chance to tell you the password. I will email you the details of the account, but you are in no way obligated to use it. I also made Suzie an account with the same password as yours. Please change your passwords if and when you use your accounts.
Sincerely,
Dave
P.S. communicating via blog instead of email is acceptable if we make comments that third parties might want to read and or join in on. Otherwise it is analogous to shouting into a cell phone on a crowded train with the speaker-phone on.
I was hoping that the title of your blog was more akin to "insecticides usually kill INSECTS, right?" and was further hoping it was a story about a poor neighborhood cat that wandered into your apartment and got hisself killed by the fumes.
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