so i quit smoking
gone are the days where i could light a quick cigarette to kill the remaining 5 minutes of free time i have before i had to do anything else. yeah, that's right, i finally quit smoking. it started to hit me that i really needed to quit when i realized that i started when i was 18...and now i'm 24. that means for 6 years i have been ingesting varying amounts (anywhere from 1 to 20 cigarettes a day) of noxious chemicals, while all the while upholding that i could quit at any given moment.
well...i was right. i didn't slowly taper off, i didn't get the patch, or gum, or hypnotherapy or any of that business, i just quit. i've always contended that my true addiction was a mental one, and it wasn't even a real addiction, it was an overpowering fascination and attraction to smoke and fire. goddamn smoking is sexy, i feel so tough and badass when i smoke a cigarette, and when that first burst of nicotine of the day hits my lungs i'm not on cloud nine, i'm about to blow it out of my plaque infested, dirty lungs. god it felt so good, and i miss it, i really miss it...a lot.
one of the peculiar tortures of quitting that i've noticed so far (today is actually day 4) is that my sense of smell is starting to come back to me. and while this means that i can smell the delicious aroma of the coffee i'm using as a crutch in the absence of my sweet sweet lady nicotine, i can also smell the delicious aroma of other people smoking when i venture outside. oh god, the smell of someone else smoking is almost better than actually smoking a cigarette myself, its what got me started in the first place and it teases and toys with me now.
on a lighter note, i've also noticed my throat clearing up which is awesome. i used to make this awful noise, kinda like a car that's trying to start but doesn't have enough gas or something. well, that noise never really cleared anything out of my throat, but when i do it now, i notice that there's all this plegm that wants out, so out it comes.
in general i'm still glad i quit, but oh god i miss it. i miss it so damn much, i seriously almost want to cry...i guess this is my first real craving. my lunch break was like...super hard cuz people were outside smoking.
so, that's what's going on with me right now. i might be posting a bit more often now that i won't be taking cigarette breaks. but seriously, be sparing with whatever congratulations or praise you might feel compelled to sling my way. while i'm sure i'll appreciate it, i'll tell you what i told my mother. its really hard for me to do things that people tell me to do, or tell me are good to do, so the fact that i'm quitting for real this time, really means that its coming from me and no one else. if people start telling me how great it is, and all of a sudden i feel like i'm getting too much praise, i'll probably start smoking again.
i'm strange...i can't help it. if you can understand why praise for what i'm doing would make me do the exact opposite, i'll buy you dinner. until then, i'm gonna get back to work now.
later kids,
smokeless rob
well...i was right. i didn't slowly taper off, i didn't get the patch, or gum, or hypnotherapy or any of that business, i just quit. i've always contended that my true addiction was a mental one, and it wasn't even a real addiction, it was an overpowering fascination and attraction to smoke and fire. goddamn smoking is sexy, i feel so tough and badass when i smoke a cigarette, and when that first burst of nicotine of the day hits my lungs i'm not on cloud nine, i'm about to blow it out of my plaque infested, dirty lungs. god it felt so good, and i miss it, i really miss it...a lot.
one of the peculiar tortures of quitting that i've noticed so far (today is actually day 4) is that my sense of smell is starting to come back to me. and while this means that i can smell the delicious aroma of the coffee i'm using as a crutch in the absence of my sweet sweet lady nicotine, i can also smell the delicious aroma of other people smoking when i venture outside. oh god, the smell of someone else smoking is almost better than actually smoking a cigarette myself, its what got me started in the first place and it teases and toys with me now.
on a lighter note, i've also noticed my throat clearing up which is awesome. i used to make this awful noise, kinda like a car that's trying to start but doesn't have enough gas or something. well, that noise never really cleared anything out of my throat, but when i do it now, i notice that there's all this plegm that wants out, so out it comes.
in general i'm still glad i quit, but oh god i miss it. i miss it so damn much, i seriously almost want to cry...i guess this is my first real craving. my lunch break was like...super hard cuz people were outside smoking.
so, that's what's going on with me right now. i might be posting a bit more often now that i won't be taking cigarette breaks. but seriously, be sparing with whatever congratulations or praise you might feel compelled to sling my way. while i'm sure i'll appreciate it, i'll tell you what i told my mother. its really hard for me to do things that people tell me to do, or tell me are good to do, so the fact that i'm quitting for real this time, really means that its coming from me and no one else. if people start telling me how great it is, and all of a sudden i feel like i'm getting too much praise, i'll probably start smoking again.
i'm strange...i can't help it. if you can understand why praise for what i'm doing would make me do the exact opposite, i'll buy you dinner. until then, i'm gonna get back to work now.
later kids,
smokeless rob
posted by R. Peeps at 5:24 PM
16 Comments:
shit, hon. i mean it's cool that you quit and all...but it's so clear that you're going to be smoking again in like a week. come on now. and quiting as a birthday present to me - how fucking sappy. i hate it. and i hate you.
suz
p.s. you can buy me santorini's later. thanks.
ok, thanks for not praising me, but that just hurt.
yeah, there have been plenty of times when I wished I smoked... like working at a restaurant, which is the only way you ever get a break; or waiting for the subway or something; or wanting to strike up a conversation with someone; or keeping your hands busy whenever they need to be; or just looking not uncool... damn, that's convenient.
Way to give it up.
ha ha, we discussed this at home. you are humorous, boy. this trick has worked on you twice, mr. sensitivity. now where are my falafs???
love suz
Hi, Rob.
So I've decided to weigh in on the whole quitting thing, because I'm sure you're out there waiting with bated breath.
Even if you hadn't specifically asked me not to thank you, I wouldn't have congratulated you on quitting smoking. Because I think that's sort of lame. If my friends gave up drinking, I wouldn't ring them up and say, "way to give up drinking!", mostly because I hadn't been sitting at home wringing my hands and worrying about their impending liver failure. Just like I'm sorry to inform you that I wasn't really concerned with your impending lung failure.
What? I wasn't.
I think that everybody has their vice of choice, and unless their vice is directly impacting my quality of life (ie, injecting me with heroin), I prefer to remain silent on the issue. I'm sure that my own smoking or sleeping late or binging on curly fries has irritated people in my life at some time, but everybody deals with stress in different ways, and my friends have been kind enough to not bug me about the way I have chosen to, so yeah.
If you want to get picky (and warning to anyone else reading this: please don't give me some line about how even a cigarette a day is bad, or how the following is just a smoker's justification [see above paragraph for why I won't care]) I've always thought that my personal smoking addiction was psychological. I like cigarettes late at night, or when I'm on the phone long-distance, or when I'm standing in a bar and need some small thing to make me feel cooler than the douchebags surrounding me, or when I'm in the car and just want to spend five minutes worrying about ashing on my lap, steering wheel, etc. instead of some other shit. Basically it's my moment of zen, and there are times where as much as I'd like a moment of zen the taste in my mouth or the humidity index, whatever, makes me not want to actually be smoking. But for as easy as it is for me to go smokeless for a week, there are days/nights when I can work my way through a pack and feel pretty good about it.
The only reason you shoudl be commended for quitting - if you have - is for the fact that it's something you recognized you wanted to do, and you're doing it. Like going to grad school, or painting your kitchen red, or learning how to cook a really good omelet. So for working towards a longtime goal, congrats.
Yeah. So in order to temper that congrats, I'll also say won't it be interesting if you start smoking again? Then you'll be a hypocrite, unless you decide that you really really wanted to start up again, at which point I would say congrats.
Remember when I poured water all over your pants?
That was fun.
Take care, of yourselves and each other (hi Suz, I presume at some point you'll read this)~
x.
christina,
you're so lame. i didn't ask why you hadn't quit smoking, all i said was that i had quit smoking. i don't care how much you smoke, or why you smoke, or if you've figured out how to breath smoke in through your eyes. incidentally, i think there might be a few buddhists who would argue that your moment of zen is stupid, and if they won't, i will.
don't get me wrong, i love smoking. if it wasn't bad for me, i would do it in my sleep, but it is bad for me, and i'd be a hypocrite if i was a vegetarian for health reasons, but continued to smoke (how's that for turning the tables), so yeah.
yes, i do remember when you poured water all over my pants, and i remember thinking at the time, she's only doing this because she wants me to take my pants off.
kisses,
rob
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Hey: I just reread my first post and it reads a little harsher than I had intended. Ouch. I'm sorry. I suck.
Good for doing something you want to do, whether it's quitting smoking or not. That's what I meant to say.
~x.
maybe my response to your original post was a little bit harsh too. no worries though, just don't be such a hardcore mega-bitch in the future and we should be cool.
incidentally, how lame is it that i posted a respose to your post, and you replied, removed the reply and then put up a new one, which i then replied to, all in the space of one hour and 15 minutes.
yeah...lame.
No, what's lame is that a) the hackles are still up and b) "lame" is coming up way too much in this conversation. If you guys had been discussing this in person you would have gotten what each other meant... so just smile and be happy already.
i am happy and smiling. incidentally, i'm gonna try and dull the barbs in my written wit from now on...it doesn't really come across as well as i thought it did.
Rob: hope we're cool, and know that no matter what I appreciated the opportunity to discourse (that's a verb now!).
Peace~
x.
x,
we're down...i read about your crab-apple-story (ha, just made that up)...people are just so weird...maybe bevin was right about breeding.
hooray for everything indeed. you are so cute, suzanne.
i love you so,
robert james
I think Rob should make us all falafel, as per Suzanne's comment. You can mail mine to me.
Mmmmm, air mail... arrrghblggbggh.
you know what...instead of eating falafel, you know what you can all do...you can eat me.
i'm not making falafel. i get a good 4 hours of sleep a night because i stay up late with my girlfriend and wake up early for my stupid ass, want to kill myself everyday, have to drive forever, job that i hate. i'm completely miserable san diego...i have nothing.
ok, melodrama over...but screw you, i'm not making falafel tonight.
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