I woke up at 2:30

there's nothing like getting a nice fresh start on a day. most people like to do this early in the morning, but since i'm unemployed, lazy and like to stay up late, its much more common for me to approach a day slowly and calmly, much like how one might approach a bear or a rattlesnake, with a great deal of apprehension, and probably with your eyes closed.
i've heard reports, though i insisit i have no recollection of this at all, that at one point in my life, during that rocky transition from 6th to 7th grade, i actually went to school dressed in a pair of jeans and a white turtleneck. since i've repressed that fashion instinct so thoroughly, i can't even begin to imagine what would make me think that i looked good. i was not a skinny kid in 7th grade, which isn't to say that skinny kids are allowed to wear white turtlenecks without anything else over them, but not being fat would've made the look slightly less ridiculous.
i don't really know what i'm talking about right now. i'm just pulling from whatever pops into my consciousness. unfortunately, there are a lot of things popping into my consciousness right now. i used to think it was just me going blank, but really there are just too many things going on for me to put any one of them into words. there's things i want to say, but i'm afraid to say them because i could be so far off the mark that it would just sound ridiculous. worse yet, i'm also worried that the things i really want to say would be so dead on that they might hurt. and, since i'm sturggling with the things i want to say, whether or not i'm right or wrong, trying to censor myself so as to alleviate a situation, trying to figure out what the situation is to begin with and why it seems to get worse, i can't figure out what i'm thinking about anymore.
have you ever twisted your knee or something like that. usually your knee is just your knee, and you don't particularly pay attention to which way its moving or how you control whether or not you will bend it or not, but you have control over it. but, when you twist it, all of a sudden you are very acutely aware of every miniscule movement not just of your leg muscles, but of the vibrations of the air around you and in the upper atmosphere. eventually it swells so much that you can only concentrate on the deepest pain. that's kinda what it feels like for me, like i twisted my brain and its swelling and all i can concentrate on is the pain that started it all. but, unlike twisting your knee, there isn't a distinct moment or anything directly linked to the swelling of my brain, so everything that's going on in there gets amplified until all i can hear is a cacophony of thoughts, words and phrases.
so, i woke up at 2:30 and its pretty much been like that since then.